Reproductive trauma for dads, parents and non-birthing parents

Introduction

Coping with pregnancy and baby loss is a challenging and emotional process for both parents, including dads and nonbirthing partners. We understand that coping with the loss
of a baby is an incredibly difficult journey. This page offers support, guidance, and encouragement as you navigate through the challenging emotions that often accompany such
a profound loss.

It’s quite common to face mental health challenges following the loss of a baby, and this can impact dads and partners as well. Some individuals may still struggle with negative emotions and physical symptoms after many weeks. Signs such as flashbacks, nightmares, bursts of anger, and sleep issues can indicate post-traumatic stress if they are continuing after a period of grief.

Our service may be able to support the birthing parent with trauma symptoms and offer guidance and advice to partners around where is best to access help with this.

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to handling grief. People cope differently – some stay busy with work or hobbies, while others may be consistently emotional. Some may
avoid expressing their feelings, which can be challenging for their partners who may feel the need to share emotions. Understanding how you deal with things can make it easier
to talk to your partner. This way, you can have honest conversations about how you feel.

Understanding and navigating the grieving process

Understanding the grief process involves recognising and navigating the various emotions and stages that people go through when dealing with loss. Grief is a natural response,
and it can manifest in different ways for each individual. The key aspects of understanding the grief process include:

Stages of grief

The grief process is often described in stages, such as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. However, it’s important to note that these stages are
not always in any order, and individuals may move back and forth between them.

Understanding the grief process is a personal and evolving journey. It involves patience, self-reflection, and a willingness to adapt to the changing nature of
emotions. While grief never completely disappears, with time and support, you can learn to cope and find a new sense of meaning and normality.

It’s okay to grieve

Losing a baby is a deeply emotional experience, and it’s important to acknowledge and express your feelings. Whether it’s sadness, anger, confusion, or a
mix of emotions, know that it’s okay to grieve in your own way and at your own pace.

You’re not alone

Connect with friends, family, or support groups who can offer a listening ear and understanding. Sharing your feelings with others who have gone through
similar experiences can provide comfort and a sense of shared understanding.

Walking together through grief

Your partner is grieving too. Be there for each other, share your feelings, and lean on one another for support. Open communication is crucial in navigating
this challenging time together.

Prioritising your wellbeing

Remember to take care of your physical health. Eat well, exercise, and get enough rest. Taking care of your body can positively impact your emotional
wellbeing during this difficult period.

One step at a time

Remember, healing is a process, and it takes time. Be patient with yourself and your partner as you move forward. Find the support you need and take each step at your own pace.

Things that may help

Creating meaningful memorials

Consider ways to remember and honour your baby, such as creating a memorial, planting a tree, or participating in a ceremony. These acts can provide
a sense of closure and a lasting tribute to your little one.

Getting help

If needed, seek professional help through counselling or therapy. Below are some suggestions where you can access support to help you navigate through the
grieving process.

Take time off

Give yourself permission to take time off work or other responsibilities if needed. It’s crucial to prioritise your emotional wellbeing during this difficult time.

Educate yourself

Learn about the grieving process and understand that it affects people differently. Knowing what to expect can help you navigate through the various emotions
that may arise.

Create rituals

Establish rituals that help you cope, such as journaling, creating art, or engaging in activities that bring you solace. These rituals can serve as a way to
process emotions and find moments of peace. You might take up a hobby or make time for a hobby you have.

Remember, everyone copes differently, so find what works best for you and your partner. Seeking help when needed and maintaining open communication can contribute to the healing process.

What if we want to try for another baby?

Deciding whether to attempt another pregnancy after the loss of a baby can be a challenging choice. Concerns about your partner’s experience in another pregnancy or the
possibility of another loss may weigh heavily on your mind. This decision is deeply personal, and what feels right for one individual or family might not be the same for others.

Deciding when to start trying for another baby is different for everyone. There’s no specific ‘right time’.

It might take some time to feel emotionally ready. Sometimes, one of you may want to start trying sooner than the other. It’s important to keep talking to each other about
your feelings. If you’re concerned about how you’re handling things, it’s a good idea to see your GP.

Before trying again, your partner needs time to recover physically. The midwife or doctor (obstetrician) can give you both advice on this. You might also want to wait for the results of any tests done after your loss.

The hospital staff may have given you information about trying to get pregnant again, like when to start trying, the chances of getting pregnant, and the risks involved. If you want to talk more about this, you can contact them or speak with your GP.

Getting pregnant again after a loss can be tough. You might feel a mix of emotions – excitement, relief, and worry about how the new pregnancy will go.

If these feelings are overwhelming and are affecting your decision making, daily life or ability to cope then this may be something our specialist team can help with.

LGBTQ+

For LGBTQ+ partners, dealing with grief can be more complex, especially if you’re transgender, non-binary, or in a same-sex relationship. Getting pregnant might have involved
a lot of time and planning. If you already have children and your partner doesn’t, you might feel guilty. Being open about your feelings is important. It helps both you and your partner understand each other, even if you cope with the loss in different ways.

Sometimes, healthcare professionals might assume you’re a friend rather than a partner. This can lead to your grief being overlooked, making it harder to get the support you need. To avoid explaining your relationship each time, you can request that your connection be noted in your partner’s medical records so that your experience can be properly acknowledged.